she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
