I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
