Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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