The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
