Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
