How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
