non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
