In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
