He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
