i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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