Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
