is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your cock deserves a montage
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
