Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
