Ambien. No doubt about it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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