I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
