Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
