Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
