She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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