I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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