its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
