I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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