i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
