I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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