the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
