rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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