i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
