Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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