hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
