I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
