I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
