dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
