I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
