is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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