Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
