High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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