is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
