I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My balls are so social today.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
