we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
