I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
