I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
