you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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