I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
