dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
