Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
