My boss' voice literally gives me gas
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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