Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
