mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
