Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
