i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
