i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
