There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
